Democrats Leave Iowa, a Fake Traffic Jam & California’s Push to End Fitness Tests | The Daily Show

Democrats Leave Iowa, a Fake Traffic Jam & California’s Push to End Fitness Tests | The Daily Show

The Democratic primary. What was meant to be
a one-day event in Iowa has turned into a four-day
shitshow of confusion. Only about three-quarters
of the ballots are in, so we still don’t know
who officially won. But as it stands,
it’s a close race between Bernie Sanders,
the world’s youngest old man, and Pete Buttigieg,
the world’s oldest young man. But regardless of how it ends, no one is around
to give a victory speech because the candidates
have already moved on. NEWSWOMAN: Today,
all of the top candidates are in New Hampshire
ahead of the primary next week. And as you can see right there
on your screen, they’re holding events
all around the state right now. For some reason, in Iowa, they’re having a little bit
of trouble counting votes. But I am confident
that here in New Hampshire, I know they’ll be able to count
your votes on election night. (cheering and applause) Man, this is what I love
about Bernie Sanders. He does not give a damn. Because he spent a year
sucking up to Iowa, and then five minutes
after he’s left, he’s already roasting their ass. Yeah, he’s just like,
“I want to talk “about the 99% of people in Iowa who have no idea
what the (bleep) they’re doing.” I hope Bernie does this
for every state, you know, as soon
as he’s on to the next primary. He’s in Nevada next week like, “Great to be out
of New Hampshire, or, as I call it,
Dirty Massachusetts.” (laughter) But I will say this. I know there’s been
a lot of trouble, but I think Democrats
should consider themselves lucky that they get to work out
all of the voting kinks in these super white states
like Iowa and New Hampshire. Because this shit wouldn’t fly
when they’re in South Carolina. Yeah. You try and tell
an old black woman her vote isn’t going through
because of a broken app. She’ll be like,
“Oh, your app is broken? That’s funny, ’cause your ass
about to be broken, too.” (laughter) (cheering and applause) Oh, and-and speaking
of technology gone wrong, ever since traffic apps
like Waze came along, people have complained
that their neighborhoods are packed with cars trying
to find the quickest route. Well, now one artist in Berlin
might have found a solution. An artist in Germany
has found a way to create fake traffic jams
on Google Maps. He pulled around 99 smartphones
he got in a little red wagon. -NEWSMAN: Look at that!
-NEWSMAN 2: And he pulled them up and down an empty street outside Google’s
Berlin headquarters. And it took about an hour, but eventually,
the Google Maps app thought that big buses
were outside moving very, very slowly. And they put a little red line
on there that said, “Look out.
There’s a traffic problem.” Wow, that is genius. A German artist figured out that if you walk down the street
with a bunch of phones, Google thinks there’s a giant
traffic jam on the block. Which was a slick move by him, but his Verizon bill
is gonna bankrupt him, I’ll tell you that. Seriously,
99 phones is a lot of phones, even if it is
for an art project. It almost makes me think
that this is just a guy who had to come up
with an excuse after his girlfriend busted him for having a bunch
of side chick burner phones. And she was like,
“So many phones.” He’s like, “No, no, baby.
It’s for an art project. “You see,
I-I put them in my sex wagon… I mean, wheelbarrow.
Then I-I make traffic.” Yeah. But this just goes to show that you can’t always trust
these apps. Like, I can’t tell you
how many times I’ve been disappointed
that when my Uber arrived, it wasn’t
spinning uncontrollably. It’s never accurate. (laughter and applause) Now, a lot of people… a lot of people were pissed off
at this guy for disrupting traffic, but personally,
I support this artist. Because if there’s one thing
I’ve learned from history, it’s that when a German
is trying to become an artist, you help them become an artist before they become
something else. (laughter and applause) So, yeah. To that German artist, I say… All right,
moving on to health news. Remember how, in school, you had to do
that fitness test in P.E., where they made you do push-ups
while everyone watched? It was a nightmare. Right? Well, in California, that nightmare
might finally end. Governor Gavin Newsom wants
to halt mandatory physical fitness tests
for California students, because kids are getting bullied
over them. The tests are required
for fifth, seventh and ninth graders. They measure everything from
strength to aerobic capacity. Critics say the tests contribute
to body shaming and other types of bullying. Yes, California’s governor
wants to suspend gym class fitness tests
in order to curb bullying. Because we all know
bullies can’t body shame you without the metrics, you know? It’s such a weird logic. It’s like, what, the bullies
are just gonna be there, like, “Oh, man, I want to give you
a wedgie so bad, but I just don’t have
the data, man.” (sucks air through teeth) (groans) (laughs) But I-I do like where
the governor is coming from. You know? Kids in California shouldn’t be body shamed
at school. That should only happen
when they try to break into Hollywood. That’s when it counts. And I do think
there are better ways to get kids
into being physically fit. Like, for instance,
in Africa, what we do is we have
these things called lions. And they’re a very effective
motivational tool.

100 Comments

  1. 3:42 in another video he said German people don't like when he speaks German because of how it sounds. I'm part German and now I understand and totally agree

  2. Ironically, the German word for traffic (Verkehr) is also used for the word intercourse (Geschlechtsverkehr or, for short, Verkehr).
    Just wanted to put that out there, in case somebody hasn't already.

  3. Ouch Trevor. Two of your three jokes aren’t true and that makes them significantly less funny. I like it when you make fun of true things. But Bernie wasn’t making fun of the people of Iowa and Hitler wasn’t German. Come on man. You’re smarter than this.

  4. Hitler was Austrian. I think the show is funny but it would be even better if the writers knew their 8th grade history

  5. No wonder why there are so many traffic red lines on Google maps in India. I live in Kolkata and any time there are 1000 people walking on streets.

  6. Wow Trevor gives no mention of "Shadow", no mention of the DNC slowly rolling out rural counties before college towns, urban areas, & Latino/Muslim/non-white satellite caucuses, no mention of Pete declaring victory at 0% of the vote tallied, no mention of Warren and Bernie's votes getting "accidentally" reallocated to Deval Patrick & Tom Steyer in Black Hawk County, instead all we get is "Bernie is trashing the 99% in Iowa". Real classy Trevor.

  7. As the kid with asthma that got so stressed about the physical fitness test and running the mile that I'd puke from the stress, I think it's totally fine to get rid of them 🤷

  8. Nahhh buddy these new generation kids are fucking Pansies they won’t last, America’s future is fucked!! They want to make everything soo easy for them!! What ever happened to working hard for what you want???? Always trying to find a way out of things!!!!!!! 😒😒

  9. One of my fav pieces from Trevor in a while. It’s very refreshing him to roast other people than Trump once n a while

  10. What's the big deal about who "won"? There's no extra points for getting the most votes, Pete and Bernie dominated the delegate count, that's all that matters.

  11. The results are beyond obvious.

    Bernie won by a landslide.

    So much corruption in American politics it's sickening. The rich 1% is doing everything in their power to weaken Bernie's chances.

  12. What the F Trevor? Bernie is a good guy , are your ghostwriters force you to disinformate People, BERNIE Didnt insult people he insult the "Organizers"

  13. And the people who is obese are because the home life is mess! They're on psychotropic drugs and eating junk food, their parents are responsible!

  14. Bernie still loves Iownans, just NOT those who mucked up the vote, much of which was done by BUTTIGIEG's app, he was involved with that!

  15. hahahaha I've been to all the 48 numerous times…..I feel ya Bernie some of these states are real shit holes…..Indiana I'm talking to you!!

  16. democrats need to change that symbol of the ' donkey ass' and make it the golden eagle or something other than a ' donkey ass' !!!

  17. what the fuck is trevor on about. there are voting "irregularities" that disenfranchise black voters all the time.

  18. Major Pete did claim victory before there was any real results, and he was 2nd after some known results. Honestly, I don't know if its just me but I noticed that daily show is extremely favorable towards Pete, and overall establishment elections that are started recently. There is so much literal fraud and shenanigans are happening while Trevor won't even talk about it.

  19. Trevor Noah, I never took you for a corporate shill until you started bad mouthing Bernie.

    Negativity towards Bernie isn't helping, and in fact it sounds like it's intentional to damage support for Bernie. I lost all respect for you and I realized you're just another opportunist.

  20. I think the Governor should try to help kids get more fit. The Junk food generation is fat. That said, Trevor, we do have LIONS in California. "Mountain lions" are still lions, just not as big as African lions.

  21. I remember being tested as a kid, being forced to do pull-ups from a bar, which I could never remotely do because I just wasn't built as a skinny kid. I was just about ripping the skin on my hands while the PE teachers told me to try harder, even though I was violently shaking and doing my best. Later, when everyone was headed back to class from the field, I heard kids asking the teachers why I wasn't doing anything as good as the other kids, and I overheard the male teacher telling a crowd of them that I "wasn't ever trying", and basically making an example of me in secret, to always try hard and never be like the heavy kid, who can't do anything.

    I truly fucking hated those teachers, and ALL the physical testing. The thing was, I couldn't do most of the tests they gave, but I had massive endurance, and by middle school, I could literally leg press the weight of 4 adults without flinching. By high school, I could lift about 600 pounds, all without any weight training. I was only 5'3", but I could fireman carry my 6'4", 230 pound friend.

  22. The daily show used to be the greatest.
    Now it’s garbage.
    I stopped watching in 2016 when the corporate media bias against Bernie became apparent.
    Tonight, decided to give him another chance.
    Disgusting.
    Shame on you Trevor Noah!
    You are a fucking joke (and not a good one), riding on the success of the genius who made this show what it is.
    What it was…
    RIP daily show!

  23. So now trying to keep our kids healthy is body-shaming?? I WISH I was back in school where I was required to exercise daily and keep good form. Now I'm so unhealthy, and it's not just weight I'm talking about. Kids need these tests to inform them of how they're doing; sorry if the truth hurts but it's not much different than any other class where they get graded.

  24. The entire process is beyond corrupt. Its all a circus joke. Also, what exactly is a "white state"? Trevor Noah is probably the most racist dude on tv.

  25. Pete the cheat

    God he’s a fucking shame

    He will not be trump

    Trump literally had a higher voter block with black people than trump

  26. Joke's on you, USA, we have no Verizon equivalent. The Telekom (you know it as T-Mobile) tried to hog both domestic and mobile internet customers, but we have multiple options in every part of the country, usually with better cost-value ratios than Telekom.

  27. In the comment section the following: Bernie Bros calling out Trevor for slam talking Bernie and the Trevor fans defending him. The usual "MUH DRUMPH MUH IMPEACHMENT MUH FREEDOM" shills who have the lowest amount of money in their Shareblue accounts. Simpletons

  28. Yeah and like the Democrats have a chance to win presidency in 2020 that's a joke Trump will always beat you like he always has Democrats are a failure

  29. Never noticed any additional traffic in my area due to traffic apps.

    Must be in those hoity toity neighborhoods where people have nothing better to do is sit and watch the road to see if they think someone belongs there or not.

    Yes there may be extra traffic when there are accidents/downed branches or lines closing certain roads but that happened before these apps too..
    Quite frankly in those rare cases I would rather have someone cutting through and knowing where they are going because of the app than being lost and potentially causing accidents trying to find their way

  30. No more school fitness tests? JFK is turning over in his grave. No more "chicken fat" songs? youtube.com/watch?v=af2j59zzX3Q
    >>>>>>>>more youtube.com/watch?v=YZCHJd0JjpU

  31. Another example of Trevor trying to "keep his billionaire friends" (a thing he actually said). By insinuating Sanders was criticizing the voters in Iowa and not the Iowa Democratic Establishment.

  32. give it up with BS, the least he could do was saying something kind of posituve nd funny in NH
    . He and his people made a number in
    iowa with their complains and whining. Right or wrong you have to handle it more coool.

  33. You're disappointing the shit out of me Trevor. You & your show appeals to progressive ideals, so why are you constantly trying to make Bernie look like a jerk-off? Why do you NEVER honest about Sanders & the diverse movement around him?

  34. Rightwing regime in your country means 4G internet at best, while China about to upgrade 5G to 6G.

    And seriously, only your daughters should an software engineers. At least they will have education, not only diploma. At least their diplomas won't be fake.
    Compulsory trade college is needed.

  35. 4:35 you have obviously never been bullied for being overweight. Makes you wish you were invisible at that age. Last thing you want is to be put front and center for your peers to see and mock

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