Coronavirus: Is This How We Die? | The Daily Show

Coronavirus: Is This How We Die? | The Daily Show

The coronavirus. It’s the worst global pandemic
since “Baby Shark.” There are now
over 80,000 confirmed cases in 40 countries, including 57 confirmed cases right here in the United States. (coughs)
58. And so, today, the president
of the United States held an emergency
press conference to address people’s concerns. I have just received
another briefing from a great group
of talented people. We’re ready to adapt, and we’re ready
to do whatever we have to as the disease spreads,
if it spreads. The level that we’ve had
in our country is very low, and those people are…
getting better. We’re very, very ready for this. I’m gonna be putting
our vice president, Mike Pence, in charge. I’m gonna ask Mike Pence
to say a few words. Please. Thank you, Mike. Thank you, Mr. President. Yes, this is major news. Vice President Mike Pence
will be in charge of America’s effort
to contain the coronavirus. And I think this is great, yeah, ’cause Mike Pence has a lot
of experience in this area. He’s been quarantining himself
from women his whole life. This is great.
And some might be worried, some might be worried because,
when Mike Pence was governor of Indiana,
he enabled an HIV outbreak when he didn’t follow the advice
of public health officials. But, I’ll be honest,
I still feel safer with him than with Trump, all right? Because Trump, first of all,
if you saw the briefing, didn’t seem to know anything
that we didn’t. It’s like he just gets his news
online with us. Just like, “I-I saw a thing.
It looks bad. “It’s rea– pretty bad. “It’s like some people have it.
A lot of people have it. “You might have it.
(stammers) I don’t even know if I have it.” And earlier, earlier this week,
earlier this week, when Trump was briefed
on the virus, he seemed less concerned
about a pandemic hurting people than he was
about it hurting the economy. ‘Cause that’s
Trump’s real nightmare, right, if his stock market gets sick. Yeah. He would be like,
“No, not my poor stock market. “Not Wall Street.
I’ll nurse you back to health “with my special chicken soup. It’s a KFC bucket poured
with Diet Coke.” (groaning) It’s delicious. Don’t judge. -(laughter)
-Don’t judge. The Diet Coke undoes the KFC. (chuckles) And, also, also,
when Trump first talked about the coronavirus
earlier this week– I’m not gonna lie–
it wasn’t exactly reassuring. The, uh, coronavirus,
which is, um… you know, very well
under control in our country. We, uh, have very few people
with it. The people are getting better.
They’re all getting better. I think that whole situation
will start working out. A lot of talent, a lot of brainpower’s
being put behind it. $2.5 billion we’re putting in. There’s a very good chance
you’re not gonna die. (laughter, gasping) Okay, we’re-we’re
definitely all gonna die. You know,
Trump-Trump is great for jokes, but, in times of crisis,
Trump is the worst person to reassure the nation. Because a president
is like a parent. They’re supposed
to make people feel like they have things
under control. Trump is like,
“Yeah, maybe. You never…” Like, he’s the kind of parent
who would freak their kid out even more. Be like, “Daddy,
there are monsters under my bed. Are-are they there?”
Be like, “I don’t know, kid.
Probably not. “But, uh, nobody knows for sure. “Nobody knows. I mean, you could
have swallowed a tiny monster, “and it’s growing in your tummy
right now. (chuckles) Nobody knows.
All right, good night, buddy.” So, the question is, what is the
latest news from the coronavirus and how is it affecting
the world? Well, let’s find out
in our brand-new segment Is This How We Die? -♪ ♪
-(cheering and applause) Today’s catastrophic threat
to humanity is the coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, or covfefe. Trump tried to warn us,
but we laughed. Now, scientists
are still learning about this virus,
because it’s so new. What we do know though is
that it’s extremely contagious and that it looks different depending on which news channel
you’re watching. Yeah. On NBC,
it looks like fish eggs. On ABC, it looks
like Nickelodeon slime. Uh, on CBS, it looks
like radioactive cauliflower. And on Fox News, they just made
it look like Hillary Clinton. “Lock it up! Lock it up!” (chuckles) And, now,
while America is bracing for the worst,
other countries around the world are in the thick of it. So let’s go over to Japan, where the coronavirus
isn’t just getting people sick– it’s also going for the gold. REPORTER: The 2020
Olympic Games in Tokyo might be canceled
because of the outbreak. REPORTER 2: A senior member
of the International Olympics Committee
told the Associated Press, “You’re probably looking
at a cancellation if the coronavirus outbreak
isn’t curtailed by May.” REPORTER 3: You’re talking about
hundreds of thousands of people coming from 200-plus countries, all staying in close quarters
here in Tokyo for a few weeks and then going back out
to their home countries. If they don’t get this thing
under control, the potential for
a major public health crisis and outbreak is huge. Yes, the Olympics
might be canceled because of the coronavirus. And, personally, I’m devastated, because I was gonna compete
in the shot put. Yeah, no, for real. One of those big guys
was gonna throw me. Now, cancelling the Olympics
is a pretty big deal. In fact, the event has only ever
been canceled for world wars and its old tweets.
But it makes sense. Hosting a worldwide competition
during a pandemic is a recipe for disaster, right? And it’s bound to affect
the quality of the sports. I mean, you can’t have that
when this disease is going on. I mean,
can you imagine the relays? They’re gonna have
the slowest times ever. No one’s gonna want to touch
the same baton. Just be like,
“Ew, ew, ew! Ew! Ew, ew.” And good luck breaking records
in the pool when you’re dressed like this. So, the virus is potentially
a world war-level threat, and you might be thinking,
with this level of danger, we should be turning to God. But as we’re learning
from the Philippines, God may not be able to help. Millions of Christians
around the world are observing Ash Wednesday
today. It marks the start of Lent, a season of fasting and prayer,
all leading up to Easter. This year, out of precaution
for the coronavirus, some churches
are sprinkling ashes on the heads of churchgoers instead of smudging it
on their foreheads. Yes, as unbelievable
as it sounds, because of the coronavirus, many Catholic priests are just
sprinkling ashes on their parishioners,
like a religious salt bae. (laughter) And that’s how you know
the coronavirus is serious, because even the church
is afraid. Like, if coronavirus was around
in the bible, Jesus would have been like,
“I will lay hands on this leper, “and I will raise the dead,
and for the… “Oh, coronavirus.
No, no, no, no. “Let me turn this water
into Purell. I ain’t touching that shit.” (laughter) So Japan and the Philippines
are taking major precautions. But all the way over in Iran, things are already
getting out of control. MAN: Iran has suffered
the highest number of coronavirus deaths
outside of China, with 15 dead
and 95 cases reported. On Monday, the country’s deputy
health minister went on TV, insisting
the Iranian government had the coronavirus
under control. (speaking foreign language) MAN: But the very next day,
it was announced that he himself
had contracted the virus. -(audience groaning)
-Are you shitting me? (laughter) The health minister came out
saying everything is fine, but then he’s got the disease? So not only is this virus
super contagious. It also has a sick sense
of humor. (laughter) And it’s bad enough,
it’s bad enough that the health minister, the
deputy health minister is sick, but it’s even worse that in the
days before he was diagnosed, he was going on TV
and spreading it around. -(speaking foreign language)
-(woman laughs) (coughing) (speaking foreign language) (audience groaning, chuckling) I think it’s safe to say
that that guy’s career is over because, let’s be honest, a health minister that gets sick
will never be trusted again. Yeah. It’s just like, “Everybody
needs to wash their hands.” People are like, “Man,
why would we listen to you, you sick-ass bitch.” (laughter) So that’s where we are now. The coronavirus,
which started in Asia, has now spread from Europe
to the U.S., the Middle East, and all the way, as of today,
to South America. So remember, people,
wash your hands, try not to touch your face,
cover your cough, and stay away from
that Iranian health official. (laughter) And if you do all of those
things, there’s a good chance (as Trump):
you’re probably not gonna die.

100 Comments

  1. 5:57
    You should turn to god he’s punishing us for the way we live it’s time to repent shits all in the Bible

  2. What Google and YT censorship have done to comedy! They're crossing the line into pandemic laughs since they've shut down all independent voices on the internet. Now, MS audiences are getting what half the world would see as unacceptable.

  3. Lol, yeah let’s see if our imaginary sky dad can save us even though he’s never intervened before. BECAUSE HE DOESN’T FUCKING EXIST! When will our species outgrow this childish delusion 🤦‍♂️.

  4. That Iranian health official died TODAY!!!!! see below
    https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/02/middleeast/iran-coronavirus-supreme-leader-adviser-intl/index.html

  5. Regularly and thoroughly clean your hands with an alcohol-based hand rub or wash them with soap and water.

  6. how about stop eating animals in the first place? why are people still eating animals? no one has ever gotten a virus from a plant! go vegan so it doesn't happen again

  7. And people are dying , and there’s been cases near one of my school districts or in my school district in Washington

  8. I am so embarrassed for my country the Philippines.. ugh
    Ash Wednesday shouldn't exist it's not even in the Bible. Same with Easter

  9. Covid19! Covid19 Covid19 Covid19 Covid19 Covid19! Calling it Coronavirus is like calling a serial killer "white man".

  10. Covid19! Covid19 Covid19 Covid19 Covid19 Covid19! Calling it Coronavirus is like calling a serial killer "white man".

  11. Covid19! Covid19 Covid19 Covid19 Covid19 Covid19! Calling it Coronavirus is like calling a serial killer "white man".

  12. Covid19! Covid19 Covid19 Covid19 Covid19 Covid19! Calling it Coronavirus is like calling a serial killer "white man".

  13. PLEASE stop politicizing the coronavirus. Undermining the President's efforts will only make the problem worse. You should be ashamed of yourself.

  14. 8:14: "All the way to South…"
    Me🇿🇦: feels tense
    "… America."
    Me🇿🇦: feels better
    Don't know why when it's already here 😅

  15. There was no reason for the president to get excited. 🤷🏻‍♀️ The Democrats are doing a great job of that. 😉

  16. It is bad if the economy suffers due to people over reacting to a virus. We're lucky it's not ebola. That's a much, much deadlier virus.

  17. People are already recovering from the virus naturally. That's how weak the virus is. We just don't know the antidote to stop it and that's the reason some people are dead. Also most cases are from elder boomers or weak people. This virus isn't exactly how people are acting.

  18. If you think the Minster is gonna get fired cuz he got sick you donno how my beloved country works😅#people_don_matter

  19. People on this show are so programmed that Trump just starts speaking normally and you already hear them laffing for no reason. Then of course if you edit it like that looks weird. Bias crap that cant admit record hi stocks and record low unemployment.

  20. 3:14 So you mock him for his honesty but if he lies then u complain anyway… no way of wining with these in-grateful kids

  21. Why does pence always look like he's trying to hold back an explosive turd and his homosexual thoughts…

  22. Stupid clickbaitey title, just to attract views. But what does this do? Only incite more fear and stupid unnecessary comments from people. Fearmongering is not what the media should be doing. Shame on you.

  23. There's a baby shark, a mommy and daddy shark cereal now. Saw it at WalMart. DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOOOO

  24. H1N1 …Birdflu… Ebola…. Zika …..Mers Sars..Swineflu .every 2 years..near elections..Dont worry Be happy ….

  25. America has always found a cure for such epidemics in Hollywood movies I hope they find a vaccine or an antidote in real life now

  26. American logic: let’s reduce funds to healthcare & education while increasing funding to the military industrial complex.

    Americans have to ask themselves if they are the good guys they think they are.

  27. There are too many jokes about the virus. Also this clip. It is a serious threat and everybody wants to laugh it away. People are dying from it, but people want to call it just another strong flu-virus. Stupid people……. I hope you die first, so the smart people have a chance to live. Really, you are really stupid…. You too, Trevor. Take it serious so your audience will take it serious too. You make it look like it just a joke and you don't have to worry. Worry about it my friend, worry about it alot……..

  28. It’s not cool to joke about this though. Humor is great to get through a lot but? Downplaying it is the reason why it’s gotten this bad.

  29. Dear Trevor Noah please leave Jesus out of your jokes , i am sure you got the post because you are supposedly intelligent enough: Jesu haana zera newe tamba nezvimwe!! Your mother raised you believing in that Jesus ;you still too small to who he is…if the Catholics who are people are scared that doesn't mean Jesus is.

  30. TREVOR ,THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THIS VIRUS,AFTER WORK YOU GO STRAIGHT HOME,WITHOUT HANDS SHAKES AND OTHER HUGS, WITHOUT KISSES PLEASE

  31. It looks like half of the world is infected just because of Russia. But we only have like 2 people infected and they've already been discharged 😂😂😂

  32. I like seeing how 90% of these comments are downgrading trump but most of you voted for the dumbass

  33. They are gonna kill every last poor,old,homeless ,working poor and anyone else not mentioned that area under $500,000 a year!

  34. How do we know that all of this is real in sorry but i dont believe everything i hear see or even read…. yes i am black.

  35. This is the question I have had for a few weeks…
    Will coronavirus cause the end of human society? Will we all die because of this?

  36. 2:43
    Honestly, That wasn't the most reassuring comment from his mouth. Trump money is not gonna fix this, even if we defeat it, it'll come back, then whatta we gonna do?

  37. Why sit back and laugh you asshole….!!!! Why dont you go out and do something about it then…??? And all the stupid people laughing at your nonsense. So glad he is still the president. His ass didnt even notice you are laughing at him. What a pity

  38. The entire speech was weird. Body language alone it just seemed like everyone was ticked off at each other. But we all know the cdc lies. Why did they say it was a woman in her 40s initially. Then it changed into an older man. Then a 90 yr old ma and a 70 yr old female. Etc. So strange

  39. I love your videos you're humourous but when it comes to a deadly disease stop joking it man this is not appreciative

  40. My lecturer should not have chided me for lacking preparation for my presentations, at least I study my stuffs the night before.

  41. Trevor, you really need to check what the Egyptian health org are doin.. they will be good meal at your table.. am.sure you'll make serious laughter out of their stupid asses..
    They are denying that there are cases

  42. IT's JUST A DAMN FLU!! … you people are so GULLIBLE. If this were actually pandemic *IT WOULD HAVE LONG AGO SPREAD ALL OVER US*…
    You wanna believe this clown? GO DIE THEN.. GO LIVE IN PARANOIA and FEAR.. bet you will LOVE THAT

    You forgot about the other hoaxes such as ebola, h1n1, avian… go live in fear and be stressed all the time.

  43. Nice image: he annouced that Mike Pence was going to battle the Corona virus. See the face of the lady on the right, struggling not to scream out: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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