Dear Mr. President,
welcome to Slovenia. Not Slovakia.
They are losers, okay? But Slovenia. So you’ll know where
your wife Melania comes from. Great woman,
amazing boobs. Pure Slovenian genes and Albanian plastic surgery. All those European countries
are a bunch of crap. Slovenia is the greatest. Listen. We’re that small country
with fantastic sports people who always win. Our country is only 25 years old now so you should totally date her. You can even grab her by the pussy. By the way,
that’s our prime minister. Great pussy.
You’d love him. Slovenia has the most
gorgeous nature. Nice little towns
and the most beautiful women. We have the best pussy in the world. You should know.
You married one. And the biggest dick in Europe. True story.
It’s “yuge”. 1180 feet
(for normal people: 360 meters) Slovenia is the best. We even have the word LOVE
in the name of our country. We love everybody. Except for immigrants,
homosexuals and each other. We love our Lipizaner horses especially. And you know why? Because they’re born black
and turn white as they grow. It’s great.
You should try it. We don’t have Elvis,
but we have better musicians. Great musicians.
The best musicians. One famous actor…
Who’s Bosnian. And a great philosopher,
who makes absolutely no sense. It’s amazing.
Just great. We also love Putin. We closed down our entire country
when he came to visit. That’s how much we love
your topless boyfriend. Did Austria do that for him? No.
Because they’re a bunch of yodelling losers. Also,
we’re not as big as Russia but we can hold our booze.
Look. It’s beautiful. We also love walls.
We even built one. Okay, it’s just a fence. But it keeps the immigrants out. And kills wild animals. You’d be so proud! And if you need help building your wall, we have the woman just for you. I know she’s not a ten,
but she doesn’t pay her workers, which is great and saves you
a lot of money in the long run. We also have this. It’s not an abortion,
it’s called Proteus. A special kind of species,
which we invented. A cake called Melania,
which you can eat, when Melania
doesn’t want to be eaten. We also know you like chicken. Guess what! Our country looks like a chicken. Also we have the best mountain
in the World. It’s so great.
It’s not one mountain, it’s not two mountains,
it’s three mountains in one. And it’s called Triglav.
It’s “yuge”. Our army is fantastic. We have 12 soldiers, 4 airplanes,
2 choppers and a tank. Commanded by our president Pahor. Who’s also our best entertainer. Look at him.
Isn’t he great? Bozo the Clown has got
nothing on him! You’re gonna love him. He’s the best. We also have the best banks
in the World. And if you’re nice to them,
they’ll give you money for free. And the taxpayers will pay for it.
It’s great. Fantastic! Yes, America has to be first. But Slovenia
should be your sloppy second. We’ve always been second
and we’re very good at it. The best. Donald, all the best from Slovenia, the Europe’s Alabama.
Dear Mr. President,